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 If I’m Just A Few Xp From 16th Level, I Can’t Just Cast Fireballs At Random Forests Until I Hit Something, 4/3, 6:30am -- open
Apothecary
 Posted: May 9 2018, 10:45 PM
QUOTE.  


Madre de Dios, ¿por qué alguien viviría en un páramo congelado con toda esta maldita nieve? Al igual que el Terminator, ¡crees que está caído y vuelve para un enfrentamiento final como un hijo de puta!

Theo was not a happy camper this morning. He wasn’t entirely sure when one needed to shovel the snow, and there had been a bit of drizzle—still dripping its last dribs at the moment—and he did not want any impediments to bakery access.

He hated to leave the warm kitchen.

Well, he didn’t like leaving the kitchen anyway, but especially when he was leaving it to go outside into the cold and wet of New York and bust out his snow shovel!

Muttering out translucent puffs of Spanish obscenity, he got to work clearing the path. The scent of warm, yeasty pastries lingered, whether on him or just in his memory was difficult to say, but it gave him something else to think about. That morning he had gone with a classic, warm, sticky cinnamon buns, with an added benefit of chocolate shavings rolled between layers of dough. As the cold wriggled into his skin, Theo thought it was probably past time for a pot of coffee, too.

Just as soon as he was finished out here and could head back inside...
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Deadpool
 Posted: May 10 2018, 10:41 PM
QUOTE.  


Yo tambien hablo español! Pero no sé si los otros lectores entenderán lo que estoy diciendo, entonces cambiaré a inglés.

That better?

I didn't often wake up as the ass-crack of dawn, but as Salem's resident Hero for Hire ™ I felt a humanitarian responsibility to ensure this town's denizens traveled safely on their way to and from work! Wade's World wouldn't open for another few hours (if I even decided to open today), so I had some time to kill. For mere mortals, this would entail binge-watching a few episodes of their favorite TV show.

For me, it meant borrowing* a snowplow.

I blared this song at maximum volume as I turned down a particular road and cleared the excess snow. It wouldn't stick for long in this temperature, but the sooner the streets were clear, the safer travels would be.

"Ahoy, friend!" I shouted above the motor as I approached this man shoveling snow. I'd gotten a nose boner several times from the heavenly scent emanating from this building, but I'd never ventured inside. "Need a hand?"

---

* Please note the word "borrow"; not steal.


Apothecary

This post has been edited by Deadpool: May 10 2018, 10:42 PM
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Apothecary
 Posted: May 11 2018, 06:38 PM
QUOTE.  


Theo paused his shoveling—a break he appreciated, even if there had been nothing but his decision keeping him at this nonsense!—to look at the spectacle on the street. He hadn’t expected much traffic at the moment. The traffic he had expected… wasn’t that.

Seeing the gaudily dressed fellow atop a snowplow, Theo couldn’t help but think of a slightly different video. He had never actually seen a snowplow in real life and it was larger than he had imagined—aside from the driver, who was also not what Theo had imagined, but that was more what he hadn’t imagined about… life.

“Ah… I don’t think that thing’s gonna fit up the path,”
Theo observed, “but thanks for the offer.”

He really did appreciate it. And really did not want a snow plow driving up his front path. It would smash the fence.



Deadpool
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Deadpool
 Posted: May 21 2018, 03:24 PM
QUOTE.  


Damn it, he'd ruined my joke! Now I couldn't lop off my hand and toss it to him. I'd have to think of another gag, but in the meantime I figured I might as well render heroic services.

"Don't worry. In the immortal words of Billy Mays, 'But wait—there's more!" I exclaimed while hopping out of the snowplow driver's seat. Unfortunately, my boot had somehow gotten itself caught between the seat and the exit, rendering this leap far less graceful than intended. I tumbled head over junk, scoring a solid 8.75 from the judges.

"That's wasn't it," I clarified. "Just give me one second to...get...my...boot...out," It had somehow gotten lodged in there pretty good. Unable to free myself, I simply removed the boot and collapsed on to the road. A few seconds later, I popped up and grabbed the shovel hidden behind the driver's seat. Ta-da!"

Now I could help! I carried the shovel toward him, limping as I went. Who cared if my mangled bare foot froze in the process? The cold never bothered me anyway.

Apothecary
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Apothecary
 Posted: May 26 2018, 07:34 PM
QUOTE.  


Yeah, Theo wasn’t all that sorry he wouldn’t see a man cut his own hand off today. Had he known that to be an option, he would have politely (maybe less than politely) refused!

“Are you sure you don’t need your other boot?”
Theo asked when Mr. Plow made his way over. He was still learning about living in the snow and didn’t have the strongest sense of how dangerous things were. He tended to err on the side of caution.

But this guy was BAREFOOT in the SNOW!

“I would be grateful for the help, but it’s not all that urgent.”



Deadpool
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Deadpool
 Posted: Jun 3 2018, 10:24 PM
QUOTE.  


"Nah, man, it's cool," Get it? Cool. Because it was cold. Ah, Chris would have appreciated the joke. "I'm not normal." That could be taken more ways than one, and any interpretation of the sentence would be true. I continued hobbling toward him with my shovel like the creepy old man from Home Alone.

"I'm one of those guys with superpowers," I blurted out with no regard for secrecy. Chuck's school needed to remain a secret for the children's protection, but the more people who knew about me the better. "You've actually probably heard of me. Bill O'Reilly did this whole story about it after I became a YouTube phenomenon. Still not as many views as 'Gangnam Style', but you can only do so much, am I right?"

As soon as he said he would be grateful for the help, I started shoveling next to him. "Name's Wade, by the way," I said while extending my hand. "This your bakery? I've had a nosegasm while coming by in the past, but I've never dropped in."

Apothecary

This post has been edited by Deadpool: Jun 3 2018, 10:29 PM
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Apothecary
 Posted: Jun 4 2018, 06:26 PM
QUOTE.  


“Yeah, it’s my place,” Theo said, trying to keep up with the guy’s subject-hopping. “I don’t really watch Bill O’Reilly,” what with, you know, being brown and a mutant and not really interested in hearing the latest drooling approval of Senator “Keep America Human” Kelly, “you’re not with the X-Men, are you?”

Theo respected Xavier—hard as he tried not to, the guy was downright decent, thoughtful, and generous. What he had done in starting that school—well, not everyone would. But he had met some seriously useless wastes of space that were considered X-Men, so the affiliation was not exactly the strongest of compliments from him.



Deadpool
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Deadpool
 Posted: Jun 10 2018, 09:43 PM
QUOTE.  


"Oh I don't watch him either," I clarified. "Dude's a shit-stain. He called me Satan in Leather Boots, which I don't appreciate. That makes it sound like my boots are cheap, and I happen to take great pride in the quality of my footwear, thank you very much!" I said while standing with one boot on the sidewalk and a bare foot in frigid snow.

When the baker asked about the X-Men, I frowned. Way to kick a guy where it hurt, dude. "Nah, I kind of do my own thing. Actually own a shop a few blocks from here. 'Wade's World'—you may have heard of it." If he'd met some useless wastes of space that were considered X-Men, I was proud to show the man a useless waste of space who wanted to be an X-Man.

"I have gone on some missions with them, though. Actually went on one a couple days ago to save this girl Lora. Nice girl."

That was her name, right?

Apothecary

This post has been edited by Deadpool: Jun 10 2018, 09:44 PM
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Apothecary
 Posted: Jun 13 2018, 01:47 PM
QUOTE.  


Theo nodded. “The party store,” he said. Yes, he had heard of it, though he hadn’t gone in yet. (In part because he couldn’t really afford to, but he would very much rather not bring financial woes into this conversation.)

At the mention of an X-Men mission, however, he paused. Throughout all of this Theo had continued shoveling, but that caught his attention.

“You mean Laura Kinney? Is she okay?”


He liked Laura well enough.

He actually liked most of the students well enough. There had been a few pains in the neck like Katrin and Andrea, but for the most part, the students had been all right. Laura was an easy one to like, anyway. She didn’t chatter and loved food, and Maya cared about her. Anyone Maya had to be okay.



Deadpool
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Deadpool
 Posted: Jun 25 2018, 08:29 PM
QUOTE.  


Oh, good! At least people knew "Wade's World" existed, even if they didn't visit. This meant the problem wasn't with publicity; why on earth was business so shitty? Without asking whether he wanted one, I reached into one of my utility belt's pockets and yanked out a coupon that gave $20 off a $10 purchase. Noah had told me this was a terrible idea, but he was never any good at math. Besides, I'm the one still on the site and he isn't, so I win.

"Here you go," I said, handing him the coupon. "I actually have more if you want to cross promote. Us local businesses have to help each other out."

Laura! That was her name! "Yes, her! Logan's da--" Was it public knowledge that Laurel was Logan's daughter? In a moment of rare restraint, I held my tongue. "Logan's day got much better after I helped him snikt some people. And yeah, she's fine. I think. I'm not exactly allowed at the school, but I haven't heard any rumors of new deaths since the whole alien invasion thing."

Apothecary

This post has been edited by Deadpool: Jun 25 2018, 08:30 PM
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Apothecary
 Posted: Jul 3 2018, 11:13 PM
QUOTE.  


Theo accepted the coupon and gave it a determinedly polite look—the kind you only give when you’re really not feeling very polite at all. Apparently numbers were not Wade’s forte!

He didn’t know when he might need anything from a party store, but figured it probably wouldn’t hurt to stop by sometimes. Like Wade said… cross-promote. Partnerships and such.

Yeah Theo wasn’t the business guy, that’s why back in Los Angeles he had a partner. Theo did the kitchen stuff, he did the boring stuff.

“I guess that’s good,”
he said about the lack of new deaths. (He already knew about the alien invasion, so it didn’t shock him. Nor did the news that Wade wasn’t allowed at the school, that was good sense.)

Figuring the walkway was clear enough, and also that it was ridiculously, ball-shatteringly cold out, he asked, “You want to come inside for some coffee?”



Deadpool
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Deadpool
 Posted: Jul 10 2018, 11:57 PM
QUOTE.  


"Oh, definitely," I responded to the lack of deaths comment. I mean—this was a comic book site, right? Uncle Ben was probably lurking around some corner Seven Eleven just waiting to surprise everyone with his resurrection. Hell, that Mikkel guy would show up again any day now after cutting a deal with Mephisto. But death still sucked. "Death used to be such a huge part of my old life, but my new livelihood is all about living life and enlivening others' lives."

I hadn't expected him to invite me inside. Most places in town had to force me out, so this invitation was akin to the first time Buffy welcomed Angel into her home. It showed Theo trusted me. Or maybe he was just cold as balls. He was probably just cold as balls.

"Sure, I could go for some coffee," I responded. He meant coffee in the beverage sense and not coffee in the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sense, right? Either way, I followed him toward the door.

"Actually, do you have a paper bag or something?" I glanced down at my foot, which was beginning to look even worse than usual. "Don't want to make you fail a health inspection or anything like that."

Apothecary
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Apothecary
 Posted: Jul 11 2018, 10:45 PM
QUOTE.  


Theo would be honest: that was a lot more realistic consideration than he expected from this guy, after talking to him for a few minutes. It didn’t seem like reality was really his jam. Which, hey, he wasn’t a bad guy so who cared how realistic he was?

Theo nodded. “You want coffee or hot chocolate? Coffee’s coffee, the hot chocolate’s fancy.”



Deadpool
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